I feel like I’m trying to go buy a car with bad credit. When I first walked onto the lot I was eyeballing all of the brand new stuff with extra options and sleek body styles. I had a great time walking up and down the aisles admiring all of the fancy hardware thinking “yea… I could squeeze into one of these!” I started daydreaming about all of the fun I would have with my shiny new ride driving around and listening to the radio getting to know it.
I was perusing profiles and pictures, doing the calculations in my head on what each one would cost me per month, (travel time, dinners) and it was a good time. Don’t get me wrong here, I wasn’t looking for something that was obviously way out of my means. I was playing it cool and passing by the rows of Ferraris and other exotics. That stuff really isn’t my style anyway, we are talking high dollar maintenance on those and I know better than to get into something like that. I was on the hunt for something cute and fun , but something that would be reliable, and efficient. I had a few models picked out but I’m not looking for a test drive just yet. I wanted to get familiar with them before trying to hop in the driver’s seat. I’m not ready to drive off the lot, I want to see what all is available you know? Look at all of these great cars!
So, I’ve got my profile all up and shiny like a beacon for all of these wonderful singles I’m looking at to see how I’m all a great guy and I’d be a lot of fun to hang out with. Hey, if nothing else I’ll buy them dinner right? What’s the harm? I think I’m set and I wait to see if any of them wants to contact me first, so I drop a few hints like making some of them favorites. You can tell when someone has looked at your profile and it’s going to be nice to see all of these beautiful women checking me out right?
Well, not so much. Evidently this profile isn’t quite the 700+ point credit score I was thinking I had, and it’s more like a 500 point one. I’m getting a few nibbles but these girls are not the ones I had picked out at all! Instead of looking at those cute and fun cars, I’m getting hits on fleet and rental vehicles that are coming to the lot. I’m talking cars with a LOT of miles on them. Hey now, what’s going on? Literally no job, no high school diploma, four kids, and very obese.
Look, I know I’m not all buff and young like the good old days. I could spend some time on the Bowflex that’s for sure, but I’m absolutely not past the point of no return regarding getting in better shape. There are some things I have no control over, like the fact that I’m going to turn 40 next year, and yes I’ve lost some hair so I can’t bust out a brand new Brad Pitt hairdo or sport that new fangled Caesar cut all the Disney hunks are rocking these days. I’ve got some things on my side though, like a good job, and I think, a good personality and I’m educated. I have all of my teeth, I don’t do drugs, I’m not an alcoholic, I don’t have a history of violence and I’m not emotionally broken! I’m not supporting 15 kids with 4 baby mommies or anything like that. I’m normal!
So I think it’s time to start using initiative. If not, I’m thinking the only nice woman I’m going to get will have to be an import from some dirt floor country who’s wanting to use me to start a new life in America. I’m not inclined to do that. I’ve already established my life. I’ve raised my kid. I’m ready to enjoy being an adult with another like minded partner and enjoy growing older.
So I’m sending out feelers. I’m trying to be a little witty and interesting. I comment on things in profiles that form a basis for initial communication. I think I’m asking interesting questions. What do I get in return? Well, if I get anything at all, I get short responses and the conversation dwindles until it’s apparent that I am having to try entirely too hard. It’s obvious that the women I am interested in have no interest in me. I don’t know if it’s me, or I’m fighting the stigma left behind by other men. I have a rule though, which is to try not to discuss physical attributes, like I'm some shallow asshole that only sees the surface. I know these girls probably receive a lot of unwanted attention and I can't say I know what that's like, but I'd like them to know my perspective. It's hard to reach out to someone you think will probably ignore you, and still try to make your message thoughtful and honest. It's easy to hide behind shallow comments and I'm trying not to do that, but it's also easy to hide behind the ignore button...
Alright, fine. I can’t buy a new car. I’ll get a used one that still runs great and has classic appeal. I’m convincing myself that this doesn’t mean I am lowering my standards. I’m sure there’s a well maintained used car out there that’s perfect for me. I just have to find it. You know what the problem is though. The kind of girl I’m looking for, you almost never find on a car lot.