My Profile

This page is still under construction~

I really wish some of you ladies were more receptive. So far as I can tell there are like four categories of women on these dating sites. Before I go into that, I'm going to say that you ladies are full of crap with the stuff you write on your profiles. If your headline says you want someone honest, well duh, who doesn't? That's not all you're going to settle for though. I'm sure I'm not the only honest guy here and you're evidently still looking. I'm just saying that the pickings aren't exactly slim on stuff like honest guys. You're obviously looking for other things too, things you weigh more heavily.

Okay, from the male perspective, here's what we have to choose from. The point of all of this is so you can maybe see a little bit into how I and probably other men think. Plus it's just fun to write this crap.

1. We have what would fondly be referred to as the "Aw hell no!" girl. You click on the profile because the thumbnail had something of interest going on, only to have a page open and reveal something frightening and you think two things. A) Frack! She's gonna know I looked at her profile! B) I can see why you are single. These ladies are obvious fix 'er uppers, but have not taken the time to put her best foot forward. You know... "here's a picture of me just back from the races where I was sweating all day, gimme a bud light dammit I'm thirsty, screw it I ain't doin' my hair, this is how I is." Or, "check me out in this trashy pose wearing a bikini even though I'm not hot because I'll do stuff wink wink, got some crack?" I could go on and on with this but you get the idea.

2. Then there's the "not really my type" girl who doesn't quite make the send her a message grade because of one or more things that aren't cool, like she's 150 miles away (which really sucks when you see a woman you think is otherwise wicked) or, maybe she's really pretty then you see the body shot and you think "close!" or it could be all good but something else is off like 14 kids, an ALL CAPS PROFILE or a complete lack of punctuation and proper spelling. These people have no concept of subtle social guidelines or how to present themselves which is a deal breaker for me.

3. The "holding out" girl is the most frustrating. This is the girl you can see yourself with but she's unresponsive because obviously you aren't good enough according to her elevated ideals of what kind of man she can bag. It's unfair to say that we aren't all like that to some degree, I'll admit it, but at the same time I am reasonable and am willing to talk to and meet people rather than straight dismiss them (unless we're talking about a "Aw hell no!" girl). I guess there are a few subcategories of the holding out girl. One would be the "I'm a 9/10 (cough no you're not)" girl and there's the "been cheated on and lied to and hates men" girl who won't actually date anyone but uses dating websites to exact revenge on innocent males because some jerk ruined it for us all (dick). And of course there's "been there done that" girl who won't date until she finds mister freaking perfect right out of the box to come and sweep her away. This guy does not exist on dating websites FYI.

4. This next girl scares the crap out of me. It's "unapproachable why the hell are you on a dating website at all?" girl. I'll admit, sometimes I will send messages to these women for kicks. I know jack is going to happen though because this woman has like a PhD., she's been to Australia on safari and done volunteer work in Guam and all her pictures are landscape rock climbing, waterfall, different country look at all this shyt I've done kind of frack you pictures. I can't imagine the kind of upper crust world class speaks 4 languages dude this chick is looking for. I sure as hell know I don't measure up.

Some Quick Straight Talk:

My real profile is down below if you're interested. It's full of the usual crap I'm expected to write. Skip to that if you're going to go ahead and pretend you actually read this stuff before looking for someone more handsome. Right now I'm just going to give it to you straight.

I spent my young and good looking years having a little bit of dating fun before settling down with a pretty great woman. They say you have to marry before 30 or all the good ones are gone. If you don't, you have to wait until a good one gets divorced and by that time you're probably 40. Well guess what, I tried to make a go of it and now I'm getting close to 40, she's gone, my looks are gone and I'm carrying 15-20 pounds of been married weight. I'm not angry, I just feel a little bit like I'm at a disadvantage because I wasn't prepared for this single crap. I didn't develop a network of acquaintances in case I get divorced and I wasn't seeing someone else so I didn't have a back up woman ready to go. This means I'm alone and starting from scratch.

It sucks and I want a cool chick to do stuff with, talk dirty to, make out with and all of that, but what I really want is someone for the stool in the kitchen, to talk to while I'm cooking something for us to eat... or someone to help me cut stuff up, someone to chill out with, watch movies with, talk shyt to, go on drives with, go buy groceries with, hold hands sometimes, call/text, open doors for and someone to be excited to get off work for.

I am very frank and brutally honest. I am not the jealous or possessive type. I prefer honesty, even when the truth sucks. I won't fight with you, but I'm happy to talk things through. I'm laid back and open minded. I still watch cartoons. I like nice things, not lots of things. I play drums, but I am not in a band. I have an odd sense of humor. I spend most of my time screwing around in the garage looking for stuff to break/fix. Most weekends I like to BBQ and have a few beers with a friend. I actually enjoy mowing the yard and making patterns.

I like assertive women. Smart women are sexy. I'm a sucker for a pretty smile and someone that is youthful, but I'm not necessarily looking for someone that is young. I'm not attracted to BBW but even if you aren't a trained athlete I may still find you attractive. I want someone tough, cynical, and mean when it's necessary, but someone patient, rational and caring otherwise.

Music: Rock, Metal, Jazz, Fusion, Art Rock and a teeeny bit of pop (got to have [i]some[/i] bass crack right?). I love classic rock and all kinds of hair metal, arena rock, classical, bands with female singers and just plain old kick ass. Lately I've been listening to a LOT of Steely Dan and Chaka Khan (she seriously whails).

Contact Me: If you really listen to music, not just have it playing in the background, casual environments and good beer, just want to make out, don't mind a little bit of OCD, and can handle the fact that I probably want to see your boobs.

I don't think what you do on a date is as important as who you are doing it with. I also don't think that a first date should feel like an interview. I want to be able to see you comfortable in your environment and with yourself, laughing and sharing what you really think, unworried about saying the wrong thing or getting something on your face.